Story. Рассказы на английском 🕘 история названий (1)

On a voyage across the ocean an Irishman died and was about to be buried at sea. His friend Mike was the chief mourner at the burial service, at the conclusion of which those in charge wrapped the body in canvas preparatory to dropping it overboard. It is customary to place heavy shot with a body to insure its immediate sinking, but in this instance, nothing else being available, a large lump of coal was substituted. Mike's cup of sorrow overflowed his eyes, and he tearfully exclaimed, "Oh, Pat, I knew you'd never get to heaven, but, begorry, I didn't think you'd have to furnish your own fuel."

"Look here, now, Harold," said a father to his little son, who was naughty, "if you don't say your prayers you won't go to Heaven." "I don't want to go to Heaven," sobbed the boy; "I want to go with you and mother."

FATHER (impressively)—"Suppose I should be taken away suddenly, what would become of you, my boy?" IRREVERENT SON—"I'd stay here. The question is, What would become of you?"

FUTURE LIFE A certain young man's friends thought he was dead, but he was only in a state of coma. When, in ample time to avoid being buried, he showed signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead. "Dead?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. I knew all that was going on. And I knew I wasn't dead, too, because my feet were cold and I was hungry." "But how did that fact make you think you were still alive?" asked one of the curious. "Well, this way; I knew that if I were in heaven I wouldn't be hungry. And if I was in the other place my feet wouldn't be cold."

FURNITURE GUEST—"That's a beautiful rug. May I ask how much it cost you?" HOST—"Five hundred dollars. A hundred and fifty for it and the rest for furniture to match." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы 👇 Дарите звёзды

FUNERALS There was an old man in a hearse, Who murmured, "This might have been worse; Of course the expense Is simply immense, But it doesn't come out of my purse."

They say, and I am glad they say, It is so; and it may be so; It may be just the other way, I cannot tell, but this I know— From quiet homes and first beginnings Out to the undiscovered ends There's nothing worth the wear of winning Save laughter and the love of friends. —Hilaire Belloc.

If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair.—Samuel Johnson.

The conductor of a western freight train saw a tramp stealing a ride on one of the forward cars. He told the brakeman in the caboose to go up and put the man off at the next stop. When the brakeman approached the tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to keep away.

"Hoo is it, Jeemes, that you mak' sic an enairmous profit aff yer potatoes? Yer price is lower than ony ither in the toon and ye mak' extra reductions for yer freends." "Weel, ye see, I knock aff twa shillin's a ton beacuse a customer is a freend o' mine, an' then I jist tak' twa hundert-weight aff the ton because I'm a freend o' his."—Punch.